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I can say with some certainty that the first time I saw a moving naked woman was when I was 11, in 1969. It was at the Odeon in Epsom, and the film was “Carry On Camping”. I had heard on the grapevine that the film included scenes in a naturist camp, and, for once, the grapevine had got it right. Of course I had seen a fair amount of printed nakedness (mostly in the school library, where the traffic in girlie mags was always liveliest), but the moving female form was still a rarity in any media other than strictly adult entertainment. So in the smoky darkness of the Odeon, I thought I’d died and gone to heaven.
And on Saturday night, after Match of the Day, there it was again, in all its glory. I couldn’t help wondering whose idea it was to schedule “Carry On Camping” for 11:30 on a Saturday night, but it really did make fascinating viewing. To set the tone for the film, the continuity announcer introduced it by warning in a very somber tone, “and if any viewers have issues with innuendo, I have a big one”, which made my day. The film itself is classic Carry On, with some extraordinary parts (ooh err, missus!), not least the craggy Sid James, who must have been already in his late 50s at least, playing the role of a young buck trying to chat up the voluptuous Barbara Windsor, who must herself have been in her 30s, playing the part of a schoolgirl. I watched only until the famous scene in which Barbara Windsor’s top bursts open under the strain of her stretching exercises. It really was appallingly bad, but everybody loved it at the time, for all sorts of reasons…
- People who say “text” when they mean “texted”. If it was just teenagers, I might live with it. But all you grownups – p-lease!
- People who talk in the cinema. No talking, please, about anything. (Although some things are worse than others – discussing the ending twist of “The Sixth Sense” during the adverts before the film… well, that takes the biscuit.)
- People who drive their kids 400 yards to school on a sunny day, as featured in “Road Rage” on the television recently – and then they complained about the traffic jams around the school….
- People who leave football early. See Jon’s excellent post on this subject – it really is a baffling phenomenon.
- People who eat noisy things in the cinema. For goodness’ sake, are you really so dependent on corn chips that you can’t get through a 2 hour film without them?
- People who say “the thing is is that….” – what is that second “is” doing there?
- People who deposit chewing gum in urinals. Even the best aim and the strongest flow are not going to combine to break it down! Some poor sod is going to have to fish it out!!
